Joke Time

[iLLisioN]

Welcome to "Joke Time" !!

Share all of you favorite or newfound jokes here.

Heres one that made my day, lol...

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a
present of 5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy
beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys
several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells
him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she
loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets
him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his
computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she
tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves
him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She
earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000
and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him
that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so
much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest tits.

> >Men are like that, you know.

 

[Jale]

"Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said to be continued."

 

[iLLisioN]

Im on a role, lol.

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes.. (You MUST read them out loud)

1) That's not right ....................... Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive?..........Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP................................. Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man ...................................... Dum Fuk

5) Small Horse .................................... Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach? ..............Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped into a coffee table .........Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8) I think you need a face lift ..............Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here .......................Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet ........Wai Yu Mun Ching?

11) This is a tow away zone ...............No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... W! ai Yu Kum Nao?

13) Staying out of sight ........................Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile ........Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive .........Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great ..................................Fa Kin Su Pah

 

[Zach]

No you're not

 

[iLLisioN]

Centipede

Once upon a time there was a very lonely guy. He decided life would
be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for it and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me.
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a
few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house, shouting,.......... "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and
have a drink with me? A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my #@%@$! shoes"